April 24/09

I was over at my parent’s house yesterday. The house I grew up in from the time I was a baby and now that I am almost 36, so they have had it for a long time. In a week it will belong to someone else. This I have known for a long time. Since my parents have separated and the house has been on the market for awhile. I was with Skye and we were walking around the property. It all came flooding back to me. Not that I had forgotten any of it. But I guess because I won’t just be able to go over there now and walk around to remember. I felt very sad. I wished for Bob. I wished for things to be the way they were. Even though I know we have to accept, accept change, nothing ever stays the same. With every step it reminded me of the things Bob and I used to do there. All the times we would walk around the property, planning, planting, fixing up, having fires with just ourselves or friends & family. Crazy parties, field burnings. Our wedding. Having Skye. Bob having trouble with his legs. He had started limping the year before our wedding. I remember him building the deck with my dad and him having problems with his leg. Little did we know how severe it would be. That was 2003 and now it is 2009. And Bob isn’t with us anymore. And I am left to move on, realizing how much change has happened in the last several years. Bob and I getting married, having Skye, happy, building our lives together, making plans for the house. Then Bob getting sick. Just like that, everything changed. Then because you know you wouldn’t want to make more stress for ourselves or anything, let’s build a new house. Move, Bob deteriorating everyday. Fundraising, the dance, Bobfest, raising awareness. Being parents. Taking care of Bob and Skye. And you would think life couldn’t get any harder than that. The last year and a half since Bob died has been probably the hardest in my life. People might find that hard to believe. When Bob was sick it was devastating as well but we still had Bob. So now all these things slap me in the face daily to remind me that my only choice is to move on. I have accepted. I think:) But sometimes I don’t want to accept.

Hi Daddy

Spring

It has been 6 months since Bob died. It is hard to believe. It doesn't feel like it has been 6 months. Skye likes to talk about all the fun things she did with her daddy. Like playing tag, yes he would chase her in his wheelchair and she loved it. Or he would bring her for wheelchair rides. Or he would make up stories to tell her about the two of them going for horserides in the enchanted forest and how he would save her from the bear. She would always say, Daddy saves the day!! Or playing my little ponies. That was always quite the site, to see Bob playing my little ponies with his daughter.

With spring being here, I miss Bob even more. Spring was our favorite time of year. When we would start working on our yard, making new plans for our yard, what we wanted to plant, we would check out how everything was doing. Make plans. That is what people do. And we would always get excited about the plans. So when I look at all the plants in our garden, or the trees we planted it makes me sad. But Spring is also a time for new beginnings.

January 28, 2008

I have wanted to post here many times, but usually I just don't have the heart to. It is hard to even look at the blog or Bob's FU-ALS site since he has died. I do find comfort in the group that was formed on Facebook in Bob's memory. Baby steps I guess. People ask me how we are doing, well we literally just take one day at a time. If there is something that people could take from all of this is to live by Bob's motto and Live 4 Today.

Me and Skye miss Bob very much. I am so grateful that Bob and I had Skye before he got sick. She is a blessing and has helped me and Bob get through all this.

I do want the blog to keep going and will try to post more frequently, we'll see.

Rest In Peace

Bob passed away October 5, 2007 at his home. May he rest in peace. I miss you babe.
Love your wife.

What you see when I go by . . .

On the left, the Raider Symbol is my favourite NFL team, on the right is Greg Neuwirth's patch from his hockey team. He was a best friend of mine and he passed away in the Spring of 2004. The bottom patch is my FU-ALS motto which stands for Fu!^ You ALS, or Friends United against ALS. And Live 4 Today, which is written above our bed in the ceiling is something we should strive to do each day.

To my best friend,

My best friend from my childhood, Glen Cheetham was just here. I was

overwhelmed by his visit because it seems now if I see someone and they live a long ways away, chances are I might not see them again, and that is very painful. It was a very different feeling, I never really got to express grief, or I've never been able to feel grieve as I did today.

I had a great visit with Glen, brought back lots of childhood memories of us having fun. Thank you for taking care of the web-site for me. And I will never forget you Glen, my guardian angel.

Bob Jr.